No Regrets.

Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.
- Arthur Miller

Over the past several months, I have been faced with the question about whether it is better for a Mom to work or to stay home. Articles have been written, women have discussed the matter both publicly and with me privately, and inside my own mind I have wrestled. The question has been analyzed from many angles...What does this do to the long term financial being of the family versus the short term emotional gain of the mom? Is it better for the development of your children to be a successful out in the world or always available? And on and on and on…To someone who likes the world to be as black and white as possible, I really despise questions that don’t have a “right” answer. But, in all honesty, the only way you can have the answer is to live life in the way you think is best and then look back and proclaim that you did the best you could.

I stay home. I chose this simply because I like to do things well. Second best is not for me, which means I can’t be the best mother and wife at the same time I am the best employee. I knew I would beat myself up over all the things I didn’t do my best on. Because of that, I chose family life over my career nine years ago. I didn't even think about the long term financial loss (well a little I did) or what the decision would do to the development of my children to be successful. And even though my decision at the time only meant that I was giving up the pats on the back, raises and awards for great service that came with a successful career; I still have only the right regrets.

I sometimes regret the fact that I don’t get a paycheck with which to spoil my children. I would love European vacations, a house with enough bedrooms, and a cleaning lady who doesn’t share my first name and my dislike of cleaning. I don't know if in 20 years my kids will still be living with me and I will regret that they never learned how to be successful since their mom never “worked.” I don’t know if I will regret the lost income. But right now my regrets are all ones I can live with.

My baby boy turns seven tomorrow. I have been a part of every minute of his life for all seven of those years. I was there for the all the firsts…diaper change, doctor’s appointment, smile, tooth, word, step, taste of horseradish sauce, broken bone, tree climb, diaper free day, day of preschool, ride without training wheels, school party, day of kindergarten. I was there to pick up the pieces after major frustrations. I was there when illness brought him down. I was there when something was so funny he just needed someone to tell it to. I was there through all the learning…counting, letters, writing, reading, telling knock-knock jokes, potty training. I have been there for all of it, the big moments and the everyday triumphs! I have no regrets about my time with them. I have experienced each and every moment with him and his brother and sister. I have lived this whole journey to the fullest. I am grateful that I don't look back and wish I could do it over again.

Sure, there are days of regret; mostly those are the days that I am so tired I just don’t think I can take another step. But when I get the rest I need and then look back on my choice to stay home with my kids, I know I made the right one. I know it isn’t the right choice for everyone, but I don't regret my choice. And I think my kids are all the better for it as well. Of course only time mixed with some hindsight and the honesty that only comes from your children will really be able to let me know for certain. But in the end, the best I can hope for is the right regrets.