It's January...

It's January in the Savage North and that means the darkness of winter has settled in.  Everyone in our house is grumpy.  I don't mean we are all grumpy all of the time, but enough of the time.  Over the past several weeks, it seems there is always someone feeling unloved, unmotivated, and unappreciated and making sure the rest of us know about it.

I have been feeling especially down this last week.  I would blame it on the cold temperatures or my lack of exercise, but really I think it stems from the uneasy place I find myself in.  It started when Molly and I were driving to get a birthday present for her friend Lindley's party.  As we drive, I hear from the back seat "Mom, you just went through a red light!" Now, I was tired because for some reason I thought I should give up coffee (for future reference, the third week of January is not the right time to give up coffee).  I panicked for a minute. But then I realized, there was a car in front of me that went through the light.  There was a car behind me that went through the light.  I was pretty sure we could not all be caffeine deprived.  "No, Molly, the light was green." But, she insisted "No, I saw the red light. You went through it." And this went on for five minutes until finally I exploded in frustration that there was no way the other drivers on the road would not all have gone through a red light! She wasn't convinced. And, it was in this moment that the tone for the week was set.  My baby has entered the "know-it-all" kindergarten years.  I am no longer smart, perfect, and beautiful beyond belief to my little one.  Just one more reminder of how time is passing.  Yep, time is going fast.

That night, were meetings to talk about the big changes coming up in the next school year.  First, I had to attend a meeting to get information on putting Zach into the gifted program Colin is current in.  I left that meeting early to attend a meeting to find out my options for Molly's kindergarten registration.  Meetings to remind me everyone is growing up. I also read a blog post by a mom who talked about the idea of "loving every minute of your kids being little" which unsettled me (if you are interested read here http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html).  When the kindergarten registration materials arrived in the mail later in the week, I had to face the fact that not only are my kids no longer little, but I am no longer able to dream about the "what will I do when they are in school" phase. I have to actually start planning for that phase.  And then, to top it off, I realized that the fifth birthday celebration is two weeks away and the tenth birthday celebration is just two months after that.  Did I enjoy it enough?

I feared the answer was no. I have these highly intelligent, extremely intense children.  On the one hand, it is a certainly a blessing to know your child is able do school work without a major struggle.  On the other hand, every day is like running a marathon just to keep up.  Every day seems like a marathon because they challenge everything, ask about everything, need to understand everything, remember everything, and demand everything.  I tell myself their curiosity and intensity will serve them well as adults.  But, I have three of them asking questions constantly and challenging everything they think to be unfair.  Somedays I am ready to go back to bed before I even drive them to school. I am suppose to be enjoying these years, but I am often so exhausted that I just can't.

Colin's first day of Kindergarten (Sept 2007)

Zach's first day of Preschool (Sept 2007)

Molly seeing Colin off on his first day of Kindergarten (Sept 2007)

But I then find myself looking at the Preschool Moms with their little ones in tow.  I become the little old ladies in the "Don't Carpe Diem" blog post as I long for those days of diaper butts and fat feet which paddle along as they run.  I put my hand to my chest and I say "oh, it goes so fast."  Unlike the little old ladies, I always follow it up with "I wouldn't want to go back, but I sure miss it."  Exhausted, challenged, and always a little grumpy...but I certainly do seem to be enjoying enough of it to look back with a sentimental heart.  So it really must just be January...