Tweens

The past few months have been difficult.  My kids are all getting older and parenting them has changed.  What use to work, no longer does.  It isn't so much about exhaustion from keeping up physically, but now exhaustion from keeping up mentally.  They argue with me about everything.  They push against every boundary.  They challenge me in ways I was not aware I would be challenged.  At times I feel like a brand new parent instead of one with a decade of experience. (I know the middle one isn't technically a tween, but he has always tried to act like the older one.  I know the youngest is nothing like a tween, but girls are dramatic from birth and dramatic defiance is at the heart of our struggle).

Sometimes I laugh at our difficulties, instead of cry like I would like to do.  But, sometime I laugh because my tweens really are funny.  Take for instance, underwear.  Who knew underwear was going to play such a prominent role in my life? Sometime around their second birthday, I bought special underwear.  It had characters they found admirable.  Somehow these characters motivated them to pee in the potty.  They wanted to wear this underwear so much that they would try to wear several pairs of this underwear every day.  Sometimes they would pee in their underwear just so they could wear Thomas instead of Lightening McQueen.  I spent hours pulling my hear out over underwear changes.  Then one day they decided they wanted underwear without characters.  They wanted mini versions of grown-up underwear.  You would place out this grown up underwear in the morning or after a bath and they would show off how big they were.  Now, I can do a weeks worth of laundry and have no underwear in their basket.  I have been reduced to the mom who reminds her kids, every single day without fail, to change their underwear.  How can you not laugh about a 20 minute morning argument about underwear changing?  Especially when you have this argument every day...EVERY SINGLE DAY?

In the middle of learning how to parent tweens, Todd has another two week trip to India.  Normally when he leaves, I am anxious for weeks ahead of time.  How will I ever manage three kids by myself?  The first time he left when Molly was months old, I honestly thought I might die from exhaustion.  I slept maybe 2 of every 24 hours he was gone.  Every time since the first time got slightly easier.  I would think this time I should have been as nervous as I was the first since everything has felt so new lately. But this time, I wasn't worried at all.  My kids being older is a good thing in this instance and my experience seems to count for something.  I can leave them home for an hour or so if I need to.  They can all have friends over and play nicely together without my involvement.  They can help around the house.  They can, minus underwear changes, take care of their own basic needs.  But most importantly, tweens love to be responsible and to have a challenge in front of them.  When you allow them to be responsible and helpful, they rise to the challenge every time. Sure, they will yell and scream at me about underwear and everything else; but, they will also amaze me with all they can do while he is away.

Right now I am watching them outside build a fort together with the last piles of snow we have left.  The oldest engineers the project.  The middle directs the project.  The youngest keeps the peace.   I marvel at how able they all are to work together and create something marvelous when they want to.  And after an hour of work the drama and fighting begins again to bring us full circle.