Today is my thirteenth year anniversary of life in the
Savage North.
Anniversaries are often a time when I reflect on the
journey. This year I enter the
teenage years of this life as a mother and suburban stay-at-home mom. There is a chaos, and even a healing,
that comes only after you do the same job for more than a decade. My reflections have caused me to
realize how much has changed since that day in 2002 when I arrived on the
doorstep of this life. I realize
how much healing has taken place, how much calmer, braver, and passionate I am
about life. I realize how many
walls have come crumbling down and how much my three little ones have brought
out a better version of me.
There is a song by Matthew West called “Do Something.” This song talks about how we notice all
the injustice in the world and wonder…if there was really a God, why would all
of this injustice happen. We shake
our fist and ask God, challenge God even, to do something. In the song, God answers, “I did, I
created you.” For me, that sums up
the journey. I started out a
pregnant, twenty something, who had a vision of how life should be for her to
be determined a success. Then I
quit my job and committed to a very different life in the Savage North.
I spent a lot of time pouting and shaking my fist at God,
demanding He do something different.
I wanted more, different, easy.
And I somewhere in the journey of feeling it was just not very fair, I realized
it isn’t suppose to be. If I want
to see change, I need to start where I can make the changes. If I wanted to raise children who are
doers instead of complainers, then I needed to be a doer instead of a
complainer. I stopped complaining
and I started changing. I would
like to say that the more, different and easy followed; but, the opposite was
more often true. I lost
friends. I got my feelings
hurt. I felt alone. I learned where my walls stood; and how
much those walls held me back. I
learned the meaning of courage and love and how often they go hand and hand
with pain. It seemed I had
mastered the more and the different in a painful way, but the easier was
nowhere in site.
And then, the journey took a turn. I started to see my way out of the dark. Or maybe, I just began to realize that
pain meant growth and growth is good. I broke down the walls that held me back and entered the
arena willing to try. I got dirty
and I got my feelings hurt some more.
I felt like a failure a lot of the time. But I realized that failure is growth too and growth is
good. I found people to support,
laugh, walk and talk with me on this journey. And, I started to see that my three little ones were
becoming doers instead of complainers.
And, after thirteen years, I think that is pretty good progress.
This is all imperfect progress, but progress all the
same. And I am grateful to the
Savage North for all these lessons.
I know we have a long way to go on this journey. I know there will be good days and not
so good days. But, as I look
backward today, it is pretty amazing how far we have come. And, as I look out from here, the view
is pretty spectacular.
"Do
Something" by Matthew West
I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of
trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever
get so far down
How’s it ever gonna
turn around
So I turned my eyes to
Heaven
I thought, “God, why
don’t You do something?”
Well, I just couldn’t
bear the thought of
People living in
poverty
Children sold into
slavery
The thought disgusted
me
So, I shook my fist at
Heaven
Said, “God, why don’t
You do something?”
He said, “I did, I
created you”
If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time
for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do
nothing
It’s time for us to do
something
I’m so tired of talking
About how we are God’s
hands and feet
But it’s easier to say
than to be
Live like angels of
apathy who tell ourselves
It’s alright, “somebody
else will do something”
Well, I don’t know
about you
But I’m sick and tired
of life with no desire
I don’t want a flame, I
want a fire
I wanna be the one who
stands up and says,
“I’m gonna do
something”
If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time
for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do
something
We are the salt of the
earth
We are a city on a hill
(shine shine, shine shine)
But we’re never gonna
change the world
By standing still
No we won’t stand still
No we won’t stand still
No we won’t stand still
If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time
for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do
nothing
It’s time for us to do
something
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