My Biggest Fear.

My biggest fear? Spiders? Small enclosed places? Certainly not jumping from airplanes!

I know, I am a mom of little kids and we are not allowed to be afraid of anything. But the truth is, I am. Ever since the doctor put that little baby in my arms, I have been afraid someone was going to steal him away. Don’t get me wrong, there are also days that same fear is also my wish…ok, not really. Seriously, I hate to admit it, but when I had little babies at home, I would close all the windows at night for fear that someone would climb onto the roof and climb into the nursery and steal my baby in the night. The Lindberg Baby was stolen 70 years ago and it could happen again, right?

Then my babies grew up and I started fearing that a stranger would drive by and snatch them from the street while I turned my back. And then they went off to school and had the whole walking home from the bus stop scenario to survive. I just knew that the crazies would be watching and snatch them up.

Of course my rational side has made an appearance now and then and allowed us to open the windows, play outdoors and go to school. For the most part there have been very little to reinforce my scared side…until yesterday…

It was nice outside finally! We decided to just play outside all afternoon. I sat in a lawn chair reading mail and supervising everything, waiting for my final baby to arrive home. When it was 10 minutes past his normal arrival time, I got a little worried. I checked in the backyard to see if he was playing there. Nope. I asked his brother, did you see a bus go by? Yep, two minutes ago, or so. Did you see your brother? Nope. I walked to the bus stop. No kid, no backpack, no sign of him anywhere on his regular route. I noticed the older neighbor kids were hunting for the turkey that has taken residence in our neighborhood (really!). No sign he was with them either. I now start to wonder, am I crazy or did someone take my kid?

All the thoughts started going through my mind in rapid succession. It is Wednesday…did his afterschool class start now? I thought it was at the end of the month. Did he forget to get off the bus? Is he hiding? Did someone take him? I mean he is super cute. Do I freak out now? Do I remain calm? Who in the world do I call to find out where he is? Maybe I have an email from his teacher that he missed the bus. No email. Does the school call me in that instance? Do I drive to school now or call first? How much of an idiot will I appear to be if I show up at school and he isn’t there? And then I have wasted all that times…the first 24 hours are the most important! Seriously…I need to get a grip!

I call Todd at work because somehow if he is panicking with me that is better. He panics. Good, now I can be the calm one. I am now back in our yard asking are you sure you haven’t seen your brother? Nope. Then I notice the deck screen door is open. I start yelling, “you need to close that door when you leave the house. You can’t spend all summer leaving that door open or we are going to have bugs all the time. You have to get into…(you get the idea). All I can hear during my tirade is mumbling about how I didn’t even use that door, but it is open so I must have and I will shut it now mom, ok, just stop yelling. (yes, foreshadowing).

I get back in the house to find the number for school; because why would a grown and perfectly sane person such as me program the school numbers into her phone? That makes way too much sense. I call the school and inquire in a rather calm and rational voice, if the afterschool class has started. Yes, wait no it hasn’t. I inform the secretary then it seems that I am missing my child. After all the specifications are given, she calls the bus company who calls the bus driver (you have to love the cell phone era for that alone!), who tells the secretary that my child did get off the bus. Now, I am going crazy on the inside. The secretary tells me to search the neighborhood and call her back. We are at threat level orange. I get off the phone and go to the screen door that my child shut in his just moments ago, stepping over what I would later in my non-panicked state realize is my missing baby’s backpack and shoes, to yell that keeping an eye on your sister while I search for your missing brother is the next task on your list of things to not question me about and just do. I then turn to little sister and inform her in a calm voice that I will be stepping outside to look for her older, missing brother.

“But Mommy, he is right here.”

Up pops the little head of missing child number one. He has been here the whole time! Snow is gone, cut through the back yards, go in the back door, and set down to relax after a long day…without telling ME he was HOME!!! WTF am I going to tell the panicked secretary who is ready to call in the National Guard to search for my child? How about “silly me, I have so many kids that I overlooked one sleeping on the sofa. so sorry to worry you?” Nice mother of the year moment for me!

In the end, I learned that I have more to fear from fear itself. Well thank you FDR, it is so true!