Only, I feel a bit like Charlie Brown at the holidays. Or maybe the Grinch. I sit here hating Christmas, the whole Christmas season. I really don't know why, so don't ask me the reason. But there, I have said it. I don't like Thanksgiving or Christmas. I find them exhausting, stressful, and overwhelming. I had kids to make it better. If I had kids, I reasoned, then I would get to experience all the magic that goes along with the season and everything would be better. Sort of like the Grinch, my plans didn't work out so well.
Oh at first, it was great. My kids would want a $20 toy and would then go gaga over just unwrapping boxes no matter what they contained. My kids loved to participate in toys for tots or adopt a family. My kids loved baking cookies and decorating the tree. But our reality this year if far from those magical early couple of year. Two of the three don't believe and don't want to spend the time even pretending for the third one. They either want everything under the sun or only one VERY expensive gift. When I told Zach that we would not be going as crazy with gifts this Christmas, he stomped off to his room and slammed the door. No one wanted to participate in charitable giving, baking, tree buying, or even shopping.
I am back to feeling like Christmas is just a bunch of noise, noise, noise, noise. Those Whos down in Whoville are just making a bunch of racket that makes my puzzler sore. (ok, maybe I have read one too many Christmas books). How does one put the Christ back in Christmas? How did I loose the magic? Would Christmas come just the same without the packages, boxes and bags? Isn't there anyone who can tell me what Christmas is all about?
I think the following story can best illustrate how far we have fallen. Molly is obsessed with Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. It started last Christmas and has just grown into a full blown obsession this holiday season. So when I forgot to record the Rudolph holiday special she informed me that I "ruined her life." RUINED! All because she had to wait until it was on again. I found myself feeling extremely guilty for making her upset AND that I have created such a monster. A friend was kind enough to loan us the movie so she could watch it the next night. And later in the week, I went out and purchased it so we can just choose what night we watch which Christmas specials.
In the end, I think the answer lies in one of those truths I tell my kids over and over. If it doesn't feel right, then something must need to change. Simplify? Probably. Involve the kids in less activities? Certainly a possibility. Let go of trying to do it all perfectly? Definitely. To help, the elf has taken an indefinite leave of absence due to some poor attitudes of the older two. The house is getting minimal decorations. The presents might not get wrapped with beautiful paper and bows. And I am going to enjoy the snow that fell and the wonderful smells coming from the oven in the kitchen and the fresh tree in the living room. And I might just try and turn the focus back to what the season is all about...the coming of Jesus and not so much the coming of Santa.
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