Our Values

Unlimited Media is not a value in our family.  We don’t watch a lot of TV.  We don’t have unlimited access to the Internet.  We don’t play video games any time but on the weekend.  In essence, I want my kids to be the type of kids my generation was allowed to be.  I do not want them lulled by the glow of a screen.  In our world today, I feel like it is a constant battle.  Where I think it is wonderful that my children read so much that I cannot keep enough books in the house.  Or, wonderful that my 6 year old wants to read the Harry Potter series with me.  And, I think it wonderful that my kids know the difference between the American Toads and the leopard frogs in our yard.  Or, wonderful that my kids think the History Museum is just as cool as an arcade.  And, I find it wonderful that when my kids do get computer time, they spend it searching the Internet for information on Peregrine Flacons or Bald Eagles and then present that information in a PowerPoint document.  Or, wonderful that Colin spends more time programming new worlds in Minecraft than he does playing the game.  When these are our realities instead of raising children who know every episode of Family Guy by heart and have the high score in every game, then I feel like the battle is worth it.  But, that doesn’t change the fact that it is exhausting to go against the norm.

If unlimited media is not a value, integrity shows up as a very important family value of ours.  Although honesty is not always pleasant or easy, we find it important.  Even Todd and I struggle with this one since we were raised to value a well place “white” lie over hurting someone’s feelings (no, you don’t look fat in those pants honey).  But, recently Zach got in trouble for lying.  His was not a lie told to save someone’s feelings.  His was a lie we have all told to save our bottom.  His was the lie he wished could be true so he could avoid all the trouble.  I still remember the lie like this I told when I was a child.  By backside still remembers too!

The background of this story is found in years of stomach issues for Zach.  The child has had issues with food and digestion since he was 3 years old.  We have tried everything from high fiber to no gluten diets to help make things better.  Stress seems to trigger his issues.  So, every new school year I watch him closely to make sure he is ok.  At the beginning of this year he started spending long amounts of time in the bathroom once again, with the door locked.  Somewhere at the beginning of week two, I got nervous.  I would knock on the door to make sure everything was ok.  I would hear a flush and the click of the lock.  His eyes to the ground, he would mumble that everything was fine.  Todd reminded me it could be time to just leave him alone in the bathroom.  So, I did. 

Then, one day I was at practice with Molly when Todd found Zach in the bathroom.  He was supposed to be working on homework and Todd was surprised he had been in the bathroom so long when his friends were waiting.  So, he knocked on the door.  Again, Zach flushed and hurried out of the bathroom looking at the floor with his hands in his pockets.  Todd realized something was not right.  He asked Zach to show him what was in his pockets.  Zach looked up with a guilty face and hurried to his room.  Todd followed Zach into his room only to find his iPod and a guilty Zach.  When asked why the iPod was in his room, Zach blamed his brother.  As a matter of fact, to this day, Zach will not admit he had his iPod in the bathroom.  He also won’t deny it either.

The battle between media and what we value as a family was in full swing.  Todd and I don’t like to loose, so we removed media from Zach’s life completely for a month.  He then lost iPod and computer for 3 months.  There isn’t any other parent I speak to who thinks this punishment is good.  They all think we were too hard on Zach.  And they are right.  But we chose to be hard on Zach to send the message loud and clear that we value integrity in our family.  It hard on me to have him follow me around with nothing to do while all the other kids play on the computer.  It is hard to have him left out of the neighborhood fun.  But I am not looking to make parenting my kids easier.  If I was, unlimited media would be our value and integrity would be less important.  And it turns out; Zach is finding plenty of things to fill his time.  He has several neighborhood kids convinced that real frogs and dirt can be even more fun than the virtual kind.  And, even now that he has some of his media back, he and this group of kids still prefer to spend time in the real dirt.  As a mom, I feel like that is a huge win for our family values.