Saturday, January 11, 2014

I do it all.

Todd and I have a running joke about how he no longer is needed in our house.  Work has been extremely busy for him lately; and he doesn't have the time to a lot of the tasks that use to fall under his domain.  Although we also celebrate the ways he does help the family, we still continue to joke about how I do it all around here. This weekend Todd is off on a “work” ice fishing trip.  The trip is “necessary” for his career.  I just couldn’t help but tease him as I headed off to Dads & Daughters dance class.  It is official, I really do it all now as I even fill in for his role as Dad.

What I learned last night entering the world of dance with my daughter was so insightful, I felt blessed to be Dad for just an hour.  First, my daughter has inherited my perfectionist personality.  When Todd asked her recently if she wanted to grow up to be just like Mom, she said yes.  Then added, but maybe a little taller.  It breaks my heart sometimes to see her growing up just like me.  Watching her struggle with perfectionism triggers the “fix-it” reaction within me every time.  And no amount of encouraging words can undo the example I live out each day in her view.

My daughter is a very good dancer for her age.  And, as I find myself taking credit for her perfectionism, I also have to take some credit for her tenacity.  She started dancing at three years old, after finishing her physical therapy for her developmental delay.  She needed to continue in something that provided an opportunity to work on strength and balance.  The first year was painful to watch as she struggled to do the things that came so easily for the other little girls.  But, she kept trying, smiling all the while.  Three and a half dance years later, she is placed front and center in every performance.  Her teachers comment on her natural grace and ability.  But when something does not come natural, she works at it.  I want to believe I live out that example in front of her as well as a quest for perfection.

My second observation last night was how different Dads are than Moms.  If this would have been a Mom & Daughter class, I believe the class would have felt more competitive.  Mothers tend to push their daughters in the same way I observe Fathers push their sons.  We know what is ahead for our daughters and we want to prepare them for it, help them learn from our mistakes.  As I watched these Dads have fun with their daughters, I realized how valuable unbridled fun can be for our kids.  Sometimes I need to step out of my Mom role and just have fun.

My third observation was to see how social my daughter is among her peers.  She had so much energy once we arrived at the studio.  A little of it was nervous energy, as she worried if she would fit into this class.  But a lot of it was the energy we extraverts get being in social situations.  Being one of the youngest, I was impressed with her ability to put herself out there and interact with girls who are twice her age. 

My final observation revolved around being the outsider.  I was the Mom in a Dads class, the only Mom.  I could do the dance moves while the other new Dads struggled.  But that is not the only way I stood out.  My X to their Y excluded me from the social conversation during the down time.  And, it felt ok to be left out because I really had nothing to add.  I wonder if this is how the Dads feel during afternoon pick-up as the Moms gather in a circle and continue the conversation we have been having for the past year.  I try hard to be inclusive, but maybe there are times when it is ok to stick with just the Xs and let the Ys have their own circle. 


I have no desire to continue in my role as Dad. And, good-natured teasing aside, I am grateful for the role Todd plays in our family.  I am also grateful for the role I am allowed to play.  But, I am equally grateful anytime I get to see the world from a new perspective.  I am most grateful to be reminded Moms and Dads each have a role to play in the lives of their children, but taking on the role of the other can really help us appreciate the benefit the other parent plays. 

No comments:

Post a Comment