Todd and I have a running joke about how he no longer is needed in our
house. Work has been extremely busy
for him lately; and he doesn't have the time to a lot of the tasks that use to
fall under his domain. Although we also celebrate the ways he does help
the family, we still continue to joke about how I do it all around here. This weekend Todd
is off on a “work” ice fishing trip.
The trip is “necessary” for his career. I just couldn’t help but tease him as I headed off to Dads
& Daughters dance class. It is
official, I really do it all now as I even fill in for his role as Dad.
What I learned last night entering the world of dance with my daughter
was so insightful, I felt blessed to be Dad for just an hour. First, my daughter has inherited my
perfectionist personality. When
Todd asked her recently if she wanted to grow up to be just like Mom, she said
yes. Then added, but maybe a
little taller. It breaks my heart
sometimes to see her growing up just like me. Watching her struggle with perfectionism triggers the
“fix-it” reaction within me every time.
And no amount of encouraging words can undo the example I live out each
day in her view.
My daughter is a very good dancer for her age. And, as I find myself taking credit for her perfectionism, I
also have to take some credit for her tenacity. She started dancing at three years old, after finishing her physical
therapy for her developmental delay.
She needed to continue in something that provided an opportunity to work
on strength and balance. The first
year was painful to watch as she struggled to do the things that came so easily
for the other little girls. But,
she kept trying, smiling all the while.
Three and a half dance years later, she is placed front and center in
every performance. Her teachers
comment on her natural grace and ability.
But when something does not come natural, she works at it. I want to believe I live out that
example in front of her as well as a quest for perfection.
My second observation last night was how different Dads are than
Moms. If this would have been a
Mom & Daughter class, I believe the class would have felt more
competitive. Mothers tend to push
their daughters in the same way I observe Fathers push their sons. We know what is ahead for our daughters
and we want to prepare them for it, help them learn from our mistakes. As I watched these Dads have fun with
their daughters, I realized how valuable unbridled fun can be for our
kids. Sometimes I need to step out
of my Mom role and just have fun.
My third observation was to see how social my daughter is among her
peers. She had so much energy once
we arrived at the studio. A little
of it was nervous energy, as she worried if she would fit into this class. But a lot of it was the energy we
extraverts get being in social situations. Being one of the youngest, I was impressed with her ability
to put herself out there and interact with girls who are twice her age.
My final observation revolved around being the outsider. I was the Mom in a Dads class, the only
Mom. I could do the dance moves
while the other new Dads struggled.
But that is not the only way I stood out. My X to their Y excluded me from the social conversation
during the down time. And, it felt
ok to be left out because I really had nothing to add. I wonder if this is how the Dads feel
during afternoon pick-up as the Moms gather in a circle and continue the
conversation we have been having for the past year. I try hard to be inclusive, but maybe there are times when
it is ok to stick with just the Xs and let the Ys have their own circle.
I have no desire to continue in my role as Dad. And, good-natured
teasing aside, I am grateful for the role Todd plays in our family. I am also grateful for the role I am
allowed to play. But, I am equally
grateful anytime I get to see the world from a new perspective. I am most grateful to be reminded Moms
and Dads each have a role to play in the lives of their children, but taking on
the role of the other can really help us appreciate the benefit the other
parent plays.
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