Learning Disorders

Rachel:  Colin, we are going to talk to the doctor tomorrow to see if there might be a reason school is so difficult for you at times.

Colin:  What does that mean?

Rachel:  You may have something called dysgraphia which makes it difficult to write your thoughts onto paper.

Colin:  A learning disability?

Rachel:  yes.

Colin:  I don't want to have a learning disability.

Rachel:  Nobody wants to have a learning disability, honey.  But, if we know what is going on with you then we can make school easier.  Wouldn't you like that, even if it means you have a learning disability?

Colin:  I guess.

Colin and I had this conversation on the way home from school one day in October.  I had just attended his conferences at the middle school and had also just received a call from his counselor asking me to start sending a laptop to school with Colin to help with his work and organization.  This is not the first time I have had difficult fall conferences for Colin.  It is not the first time I have been approached about his difficulty writing.  Something snapped inside me and I knew we needed change.

I first wrote the counselor and asked her if we could have an OT assessment done on Colin to see if he had something wrong with his fine motor skills which caused him to have extremely poor penmanship. The District OT person wrote back to tell me my son was lazy.  She told me there is nothing that can be done for handwriting after the age of 7 years old.  This women gets paid with my tax dollars to tell me my son is lazy.  Mad would greatly understate my reaction to her response.

Once I calmed down, I decided to do some research on my own.  I have a friend who has a son with dyslexia and dysgraphia.  Her son sounded a lot like Colin.  I started there and decided that the symptoms of dysgraphia sounded a lot like his teachers' descriptions of Colin.  Lazy never came up in my research.

I made an appointment with the pediatrician, who happens to be a friend of mine.  I told him all the things Colin's teachers say each year at fall conferences.  I told him these things have been said since the second grade.  I told him it seems to be getting worse, not better, not matter what we try.  He said, I think you should have him tested for dysgraphia.  I almost cried right there in his office.  He did not say Colin was lazy.

It took me several weeks to figure out what testing needed to be done, where to go for this testing, who was qualified to do this testing, whether or not insurance would pay for this testing, and fill out all the forms to go along with all of this testing.  Colin had to undergo an hour of OT testing to determine he did not have anything wrong with his fine motor development.  Although his writing is poor, it is not bad enough to warrant a diagnosis of fine motor developmental delay.  He did not need any treatment.  She did recommend speech to writing testing.  Colin then underwent six hours with a neuro-psychitrist. She completed comprehensive testing to determine if there was anything going on with Colin's brain.  She confirmed his IQ is extremely high, he does not have any ADD or ADHD, but he does have dysgraphia and some executive function weaknesses (specifically in working memory and organization).

I just received the report from her yesterday which includes recommendations for modifications to make Colin successful in his learning environments at home and at school.  We will now begin the process of getting a 504 plan in place for Colin to modify his learning.  This will mean that Colin is allowed things like extra time on essay tests, a computer for use in assignments including science notebooks, an outline of notes from the teacher so he can just fill in the details, and the usage of dictation software to help him get his thoughts onto paper.  Technology usage should help him learn up to his ability, so we feel blessed to live in the digital age.

Although I am happy to learn my kid is not lazy, our work is just beginning.  I find that I am mad that my kid who struggles so much in life has just one more hurtle to overcome.  I am happy to learn that I am not crazy and my son is not lazy.  I am exhausted by the effort it can take just to help my child be his best.  I feel blessed to be home with my kids so I can spend the time that is necessary to get him the help he needs.  And I am humbled I learn how far I need to go to learn to let go of my expectations and meet my child where he is in his journey.

I don't want to have a twice-exceptional (that is what they call gifted kids who have learning disabilities) any more than Colin wants to have a learning disability, but here we are.  Onward we go...

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas and Happy 2014 from the Jensen Five!

The holidays have come and gone in what seemed like the blink of an eye.  We had a wonderful holiday season, which always begins the week before Thanksgiving and ends January 2.  This year, each moment seemed to be filled with activity creating a month full of excitement and fun!

We start the whole thing off celebrating with Todd’s family for Thanksgiving.  We do the traditional turkey dinner while watching football on the big day, but we also fit in a years worth of time into the three or four days we also have together.  The older the kids get, the more they realize how special this time together is for them. 

Colin really hates the fact that HIS cousin (as he calls Tyler because Tyler is the one who is the same age as him) lives a 15 hour drive away.  They seem to be two peas in a pod when they get together.  Goofiness and video games are what keeps them tightly bonded together.

We then enter the month of December.  There are trees to buy and decorate, cookies to bake, friends to visit, and parties to attend.  This year we were excited to watch Molly perform in the Christmas show for her dance studio.  She just shines on that stage!  Other highlights for us were spending a snowy Sunday with Dick, Zona, Mary, Pat, Eckers, and Grandma Nan celebrating a lifelong friendship that sparked in a neighborhood 40 years ago.  And, watching Zach and Molly perform in their first piano recital!  Zach just seems to love the piano…well music in general!

Finally we made it to Christmas Eve!  We spent the evening with Grandpa Mike and Grandma Julie and Grandma Julie’s family.  Everyone received wonderful gifts after enjoying a wonderful meal together.  Then we drove home in a Christmas snow storm, watching for Rudolph all the way home.  We awoke to 4 inches of new snow and stockings filled with wonderful presents.  We seemed to spend the day opening presents and eating.  The Bradley family (all 23 of us) arrived around 1 PM and we spent the day together laughing and eating some more.  When the final guest left around 9 PM, we began the process of cleaning up.  Exhausted, we were reminded of how blessed we are to be surrounded by so many people who love us (and make us laugh!).

The week between Christmas and New Years was filled with camps, skiing and friends.  Colin took a guitar camp at School of Rock.  Molly started her ski lessons.  Zach perfected the chair lift. And everyone tried out their ice skates.  Friends came and went from our house, with all the new video games getting a try.  The only thing we didn’t seem to accomplish was to get a whole lot of sleep!

New Years Eve arrived cold!  We headed to the Ecker’s house for an evening of fondue and friends.  The kids once again had so much fun skating, snowmobiling, playing and eating.  The adults enjoyed food, cocktails and time together.  We headed home around 11 PM and make it into our house to ring in the New Year.  New Years Day was filled with rest and getting ready to head back to work/school/errand running. 

We hope you all enjoyed your holiday season.  

My Funk…The Mourning Period.

I have not been able to write for a long time.  I would call it a funk, but I have come to realize it really is more of a state of mourning.  This blog has always been about the adventures of my little ones.  But, my life really isn’t about adventures with little ones anymore and that makes me sad.

I honestly didn’t realize the cause of my funk until just last week.  I was cleaning up before hosting some friends.  I noticed an ornament on the ground under the tree.  The ornament had fallen because the hook that attached it to the ribbon, which hung around a branch on the tree, had broken.  As I tried to fix the ornament (fix might be too generous a word for the method of pushing and hoping I was engaged in during this little episode), it fell from my hand.  Instead of hearing my sounds of frustration filling the air, it was the sound of shattering glass.  As I looked to the ground, I saw the victim.  My most precious ornament on the tree…the handprint ornament Zach made in kindergarten.  I crumbled to the floor and sobbed.  Big tears fell from my eyes and snot ran from my nose as the deep moaning cry, which only comes from true loss, escaped from my heart.  And when I was done, and the glass was cleaned up, I realized (shockingly!) that my sorrow had nothing to do with the ornament.  It had everything to do with my babies becoming people.  Those moments of littles are gone and they AREN'T coming back.

My usefulness was always tangible with little ones.  I could measure the amount of plastic cups and sippy lids that needed washing.  I could see the mountain of Lightening McQueen underpants needed to be folded.  I could count the minutes until Elmo would give me enough time to shower or Daddy would be home so I could actually go to the bathroom.  My day was predictable, often mind numbingly so.  But I was useful.  I filled that most important, although at times unsatisfying, calling of motherhood.  My name was Mommy and I was loved…and useful.  I was smart because I knew everything that was important to know about life.  I was even a little magical.

Now I find some times, many times, that I am useless.  Friends have become more important, teachers are smarter, and my boys just don’t change their underwear much anymore…so there really isn’t that much laundry.  It turns out even my magic isn’t so magical anymore because they can put their own band-aids on the cuts and solve their own problems.  I am old, outdated, useless.

In the moments I leave the pity party, I realize the gift in all of this.  The gift is that I have something to mourn.  I know what I am missing when I see my neighbor “race” her three-year-old home after the bus picks up his older sister in the morning.  I know how great a preschool class sounds singing “Jesus Loves Me” at Christmastime.  I know what it feels like to spend hours cuddled on the couch watching another episode of Wild Kratts.  I know what it means to loose track of the days in a blur of diapers, snot crusted noses, and endless readings of “Little Gorilla.”  I realize the gift of being called Mommy, just Mommy, and nothing else.

I have been told there is a special strength needed to run a triathlon.  I have been told how hard it is to scale Mount Kilimanjaro.  I know how much bravery it takes to jump from an airplane (I really can only bring myself to do one of these three crazy things…the others I will just have to live vicariously through my friends).  But, motherhood requires more strength, is harder, and requires more bravery than I can imagine any of these crazy things require.  I do know the strength it takes to be a Mom, just a Mom, and nothing else.  How hard it is to tell yourself it will be worth it while you repeat loving words of correction for the 1 millionth time before breakfast.  The bravery it takes to invest it all in these lives and watch them walk away strong enough to do it on their own. 

So now that I have been sad about the fact that I am not more than just a Mom; now that I am useless (or really that my usefulness is less tangible…I do realize that, really I do…NO need to call the doc for some Zoloft…I am not THAT sad…believe me, I see the benefits to the new found freedom I have in this less useful stage), I celebrate the sweet moments of the little ones all the more.  I have done my crying.  I mourned the passing of time.  Now what is next for this Mama…this nothing more than a Mama, mama?  It’s time to find out what a real mama can do and start commenting on the adventures with some not so little ones…

Because if the last six months in tweendom have taught me anything…the ride is just beginning to get REALLY interesting…

Our Values

Unlimited Media is not a value in our family.  We don’t watch a lot of TV.  We don’t have unlimited access to the Internet.  We don’t play video games any time but on the weekend.  In essence, I want my kids to be the type of kids my generation was allowed to be.  I do not want them lulled by the glow of a screen.  In our world today, I feel like it is a constant battle.  Where I think it is wonderful that my children read so much that I cannot keep enough books in the house.  Or, wonderful that my 6 year old wants to read the Harry Potter series with me.  And, I think it wonderful that my kids know the difference between the American Toads and the leopard frogs in our yard.  Or, wonderful that my kids think the History Museum is just as cool as an arcade.  And, I find it wonderful that when my kids do get computer time, they spend it searching the Internet for information on Peregrine Flacons or Bald Eagles and then present that information in a PowerPoint document.  Or, wonderful that Colin spends more time programming new worlds in Minecraft than he does playing the game.  When these are our realities instead of raising children who know every episode of Family Guy by heart and have the high score in every game, then I feel like the battle is worth it.  But, that doesn’t change the fact that it is exhausting to go against the norm.

If unlimited media is not a value, integrity shows up as a very important family value of ours.  Although honesty is not always pleasant or easy, we find it important.  Even Todd and I struggle with this one since we were raised to value a well place “white” lie over hurting someone’s feelings (no, you don’t look fat in those pants honey).  But, recently Zach got in trouble for lying.  His was not a lie told to save someone’s feelings.  His was a lie we have all told to save our bottom.  His was the lie he wished could be true so he could avoid all the trouble.  I still remember the lie like this I told when I was a child.  By backside still remembers too!

The background of this story is found in years of stomach issues for Zach.  The child has had issues with food and digestion since he was 3 years old.  We have tried everything from high fiber to no gluten diets to help make things better.  Stress seems to trigger his issues.  So, every new school year I watch him closely to make sure he is ok.  At the beginning of this year he started spending long amounts of time in the bathroom once again, with the door locked.  Somewhere at the beginning of week two, I got nervous.  I would knock on the door to make sure everything was ok.  I would hear a flush and the click of the lock.  His eyes to the ground, he would mumble that everything was fine.  Todd reminded me it could be time to just leave him alone in the bathroom.  So, I did. 

Then, one day I was at practice with Molly when Todd found Zach in the bathroom.  He was supposed to be working on homework and Todd was surprised he had been in the bathroom so long when his friends were waiting.  So, he knocked on the door.  Again, Zach flushed and hurried out of the bathroom looking at the floor with his hands in his pockets.  Todd realized something was not right.  He asked Zach to show him what was in his pockets.  Zach looked up with a guilty face and hurried to his room.  Todd followed Zach into his room only to find his iPod and a guilty Zach.  When asked why the iPod was in his room, Zach blamed his brother.  As a matter of fact, to this day, Zach will not admit he had his iPod in the bathroom.  He also won’t deny it either.

The battle between media and what we value as a family was in full swing.  Todd and I don’t like to loose, so we removed media from Zach’s life completely for a month.  He then lost iPod and computer for 3 months.  There isn’t any other parent I speak to who thinks this punishment is good.  They all think we were too hard on Zach.  And they are right.  But we chose to be hard on Zach to send the message loud and clear that we value integrity in our family.  It hard on me to have him follow me around with nothing to do while all the other kids play on the computer.  It is hard to have him left out of the neighborhood fun.  But I am not looking to make parenting my kids easier.  If I was, unlimited media would be our value and integrity would be less important.  And it turns out; Zach is finding plenty of things to fill his time.  He has several neighborhood kids convinced that real frogs and dirt can be even more fun than the virtual kind.  And, even now that he has some of his media back, he and this group of kids still prefer to spend time in the real dirt.  As a mom, I feel like that is a huge win for our family values.

I Remember...

I have been walking with a mom from my neighborhood who has a three year old little boy.  I look at him and I so clearly remember what life was like with little boys in the house.  Sometimes it hurts just to be around him because I so very much miss some of those three year old ways.  Here is what he has helped me remember…

The fun of Thomas the Train

The belief that everything is good and wonderfully made

Absolute trust in everyone and everything around you

Mischievious smiles and big eyes when thinking of doing something you know you shouldn’t be doing.

The ability to cry and carry on when the world does not go your way

The joy of bugs, dirt, blades of grass, and running free

The magic found in new places, especially a woods

The joy of treasures found along the ground

The mystery of street signs and having to remember their words to read them

Little legs that need to run away from you, only to turn around and run back to you once the distance has gotten too far.

Stroller chatter about every little thing my adult eyes miss along the way

Diaper butts and little shoes with Velcro straps

T-shirts with trucks and cargo sweatpants

The love of trains, the fascination of big trucks, and the envy of people who drive garbage trucks and street sweepers

The beauty of naptime

How looking back at something can seem so magical and wonderful, but the reality of living through that same thing is exhausting and challenging

A New School Year...

School is well underway.  The kids are half way through with their third week of school.  Although the weather feels more like July, we are embracing our fall schedule.  The kids are all back into their full schedule of activities after school, and the nights of family dinners and summer cocktails on the porch with games of tag in the yard are long behind us.

Colin continues to thrive in middle school.  He is embracing the freedom and learning a bit about the consequences that freedom brings.  Middle school teachers aren't much for second chances when it comes to missing assignments, so we are quickly learning to remember our homework and get things turned in on time.  Outside of school, Colin is playing a little soccer and lacrosse.  He is also continuing with his guitar lessons, for now.  It turns out with everything there is do to, practicing a musical instrument is difficult to fit in.

Zachary is settling into 4th grade.  He is suffering the consequences of his parents learning the hard way what happens when we allow a bit of slacking in the remembering your homework and planner attitudes arrive.  He seems to be a quick learner though, and is now getting homework turned in on time and remembering to bring his planner home filled out.  Zach is playing lacrosse this fall.  Although he moved up to a new age group with more skilled players and a faster game, he scored 4 goals on Sunday.  He enjoyed the feeling of winning very much!  He also started piano lessons and feels very good about how quickly he is learning to play.

Molly still loves school.  Highlights have been getting to check out chapter books in media, being the fastest girl in the first grade, and popsicles daily to beat the heat.  She has also started piano lessons, which could not wait to begin because she has wanted to "take them forever!"  Her mother is once again her soccer coach.  Molly seems a natural at soccer, but has suffered some major hits to the face this fall (from the ball and overly aggressive girls).  She is beginning to think she might not like this sport so much.  After a very difficult first game, in which our team was crushed, Molly scored the only goal for our team.  Her streak of scoring the first goal of the season has been kept alive!

Life just continues to get more and more busy the older the kids get.  Balance is our new objective as we struggle to figure out how to do it all versus what to give up.  It all seems so important and yet there are just not enough hours in the day.  The theme of this years blog posts may just be about that struggle.  But, here is to Fall...A New Year...And New Adventures...Hoping for great things to come!

The First Day of School

The first day of school is full of excitement for the chance at a new year, a new class of friends, a new teacher, and a clean slate.  But the first day of school also brings with it a bunch of expectations, or as my kids’ teachers call it, hopes and dreams.  My kids always hope for good grades, lots of friends and usually to learn something new.  I always hope to keep organized, stay on top of homework and planners, and not to be late with anyone anywhere.  On that very first day, with freshly pointed pencils and clean, crisp folders, it all seems possible.  This will be the best year ever we tell ourselves.

My kids have had their first day of school.  Monday, we all woke early with excitement.  Of course it was 100 degrees and there was no air conditioning in the school, so the outfits we had worked so hard to purchase during the cool August afternoons in the shopping center were left hanging in the closet.  We donned our least grubby summer clothes in hopes they would do.  Then we packed backpacks with healthy snacks and cold water bottles to help make it through the hot afternoon temperatures.  The possibilities for perfection were still lofty as we headed out the door.

Colin leaves first, at 6:45 AM.  He catches a bus several blocks away from home to the middle school.  After a few quick snaps of him dressed and ready to go, he headed off to the bus stop…alone.  He didn’t need me to get him anywhere.  As I watched him head down the street, my heart ached.  Where did the time go?  His orange shirt disappeared from view along with my control over every aspect of his life (in fairness, I started loosing that control the day he entered his preschool classroom.  but, now it feels really gone).

Then the middle and little ones woke, dressed and ate quickly in a flurry of excitement.  They spent the next 90 minutes asking if it was time to go yet.  Molly was especially excited to FINALLY be a grader (in a year that ends in “grade” instead of “school” or “garten”).  I was excited because on this first day I would get to drive them to school, take a photo outside of the building, and walk Molly to class for maybe the last time.  But, the peaceful drive was interrupted by Molly observation of my route change to school.  I had not chosen the fastest route and this bothered her enough to mention it several times during our 7 minute drive.  Once at school, Zach did not want to me to stop him outside of school for a picture.  It would be embarrassing from someone to see him smiling outside of the school during drop off.  Once inside, Molly did not need me to walk her to class because she already knows the way.  Where does the time go?  My hopes and dreams for a new school year filled with memories WITH my kids were tarnished by 9 AM.  I guess I will have to settle for dreams of memories FOR my kids.

Now we are on day three and all the hopes for a perfect year are out the window.  I forgot to unpack the lunches the night before so there are no ice packs to keep the lunches cold in the 100-degree heat.  I forgot to check the planners so homework did not get done; and I got to spend all morning arguing with Zach about how important it is do practice math.  I was late to pick up kids from school.  I fed them donuts for a snack instead of something healthy.  I made sandwiches for dinner so they wouldn’t complain about having to eat something they don’t like.  Reality only took three days; and I find myself longing for summer vacation once again.

From the kids’ perspective…

Colin loves middle school.  He especially loves that lunch has ala cart options so he can finally get enough food to eat during the day.  He has friends in every class and likes all his teachers.  He is excited with the responsibility that middle school provides and has risen to the challenge.  His hopes and dreams are still intact.

Zach dreams of being the best in his grades and in PE class.  His class from last year grew to 40 students and was divided in two.  He was bummed to learn the kids with whom he competed, especially in PE, are in the other class.  But, this does increase his chances of being the best! 

Molly LOVES school.  She has a great teacher and many friends in her class, including her good friend Kate, from last year, and Lucy, Zach’s buddy’s sister.  Every day we hear “Mrs. Lind says X,” or “Did you know X, Mrs. Lind told us that.”   Mrs. Lind is the best teacher and Molly is lucky to have her.  Her year promises to be full of adventure and fun, which should fulfill her hopes and dreams.